Grown Ups Come Back

Today, Faith and I watched Sesame Street.  Hulu has 42 seasons, so there’s enough viewing material for a long time.  There was a song on the show called, “Grownups come back”.  I know what they were trying to achieve with that.  They were trying to get kids to understand that grown ups may drop you off, but they’ll come and get you again.  They aren’t going away forever.  While this lesson is important, the song just isn’t true for my granddaughter.  Her second birthday was Sunday, and her father did come at my invitation.  The last time she saw him was at Christmas.  He hasn’t asked for a visit since then, and he doesn’t see his other daughter by another babymomma at all.  Faith knows who he is because I have a picture of him in a photo album that she can look at.  My daughter and her new(er) boyfriend also came.  Faith’s favorite person in the world is her Momma.  When Kylie’s here, Faith won’t give me a hug, even though she loves for me to hug and kiss her.  I guess she feels she’s being disloyal.  They left four days ago, and Faith still calls to both Kylie and her boyfriend “Agu” up the stairs, where Kylie’s bedroom is, hoping they’ll respond.  I have to explain every time that they’re not here, and that they had to go to their house.  If I keep saying that, I know one day she’ll ask why she can’t go live at their house.  “Agu” is in a male sober living facility in another state, and Kylie is homeless.  They’re both heroin addicts.  Whenever a parenting couple is on TV, Faith will start chanting, “Momma, Dadda, Momma, Dadda…”  She lived with both of her parents in our basement for a year and a half before we had to ask Kylie and Faith’s father to leave because they stole so much from us.  I will have to think of something else to tell her when she gets older.  It will need to be some version of the truth but something she can tell her friends without censor.  I’ve arranged for Faith’s paternal grandmother to visit with her tomorrow.  She lives in California and has custody of Faith’s half-brother.  I worked in child protective services with foster kids for five years, and I believe strongly that it’s better for kids to know where they’re from, even if some aspects of their families aren’t so great.  Besides, “Nana Donna” is a very nice, normal person, and I feel sorry for her knowing that she has Faith and one other granddaughter out there that she either can’t see at all or not very often. She sends presents. If Kylie had been a boy, that would have been my lot.  Faith, also, has an aunt by her father and a cousin the same age who live in town.  They are decent people, too, and she sees them every couple of months.  I send pictures to all of them, as well as to her paternal grandfather, who lives in another state and who has said he would like a visit at some point.  I’ve made contact with Faith’s half-sister’s grandparents, who have custody of her.  They say they’ll probably arrange a visit at a local playground before we move out of town, but they don’t want us to introduce the two as sisters.  Their granddaughter is only five and is in family therapy because of all the havoc in her life.  But, at least, we’ll have pictures to show Faith when she gets older, and some of these relatives may end up being a resource for her at a later point.  My husband has a picture in the album, too, although he still sees her once a week and will until the divorce is final and we move to another state.  He was living here up until 5 weeks ago.  So, you can debate what it means to be a grown up, but they don’t always come back.